


Freedom Should Feel Cold

by radioactivemushroom



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5179697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radioactivemushroom/pseuds/radioactivemushroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes has been through a lot in the past seventy years. He can't remember anything about his past before Hydra, but Steve is determined to change that, and help Bucky discover who he really is. But the problems are far from over: A rising threat, new tension within the Avengers, flashbacks, and on top of that, Bucky might be in love. In progress, T for violence and language</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

He wakes up again to meet a cold stone wall, but the images of a snowy mountain and a roaring train are blasting through his mind. It takes him a second to realize where he is- in a hydra cell, again. His head hurts like hell, and so does every fiber of his being. It was terrifying. Everyone he knows thinks he's dead. Steve won't be here to get him out of this one.

A dry laugh escapes his chapped mouth before he can stop it. It's ironic, it was always him saving Steve before, getting the little punk out of trouble, and now he can't even save himself.

He tries not to look to his side, but it's inevitable, and it's not just a nightmare either. Where his left arm used to be was a metal monstrosity, glinting in the dimly lit room, and a network of new scars exposed where the metal ended and his shoulder began. It dug into his skin, and he remembers strangling the scientist next to him before being knocked out by a syringe. He takes a shuddering breath as he moves it, and the now scabbing cuts feel like they're ripping all over again.

"Ah, Sergeant Barnes, you're awake." A short scientist remarks, standing at the door to his cell.

"You stay the fuck away from me." Bucky hisses back in reply.

"Gladly, but they won't." Two armed guards step into his cell, and Bucky doesn't even consider how hopelessly outnumbered he is before he socks the first one in the nose, they pull a gun against his head before he can continue.

"You won't kill me." He sneers.  
"You wouldn't have gone through all the trouble with the experiments and the arm to kill me now." Bucky feels the cold edge of the gun digging into his temple.

"You're right," replies the scientist. Bucky thinks his name is Zola.

"You are our most successful experiment yet, like I said before, you will be the new fist of Hydra."

"Yeah, right. Good luck with that."

They lead him out of the cell into a room full of scientific equipment Bucky can't identify.

Looking back, he can't quite remember what happened in there, but he remembers the pain.

So much of it. And it never ended. Always in his head, constant buzzing, throbbing pain. It's not just that day. It goes on all the time, in-between meals, every day, for hours on end, experiments and torture. Random blackouts when he can't handle it anymore.

He starts to forget things.

He plays memory games with himself to pass the time between the experiments. Sitting in his cell, he tries to recall his past. At first it's little things. When was the last time he had water? What did his nightmare consist of this time? And gradually more of his past slips away. When was his birthday? What about Steve's? What city did he used to live in? What year was it?

What were his parent's names?

He does a sharp intake. He can't remember. He tries but the memories are hazy and grey. He pictures their faces in his mind, also hazy. It's because they died so long ago, he tells himself. It's ok, it doesn't mean anything.

"Do you speak Russian, soldier?" A scientist asks him one day, in German.

"Why are you calling me that?" Bucky replies testily, not answering the question.  
"I am not your soldier. My name is James Buchanan Barnes, sir."

"Is it?" The scientist asks vacantly, and then there's only pain.

He tries to carve it into his brain. They don't give him anything to write with, so he repeats it over and over.

James Buchanan Barnes. That was his name. He was no soldier. He was not their soldier.

It was getting harder and harder to remember.

How long had he been here? Days? Weeks? Months? The electric shocks and the experiments take the time away and hold it, strangling and distorting his sense of up and down, right and left, long and short. Everything was becoming fuzzy. How had he even gotten here? Was he really just an asset? He was barely human; freedom was an illusion, a pointless dream that, for as much as he knew, didn't exist.  
There was only Hydra now, orders, and pain if he didn't obey.

 

He can barely comprehend the voices over the painful buzzing in his head, he doesn't know if he'll recognize them anyways.

"The Skull? The ship? Our plan, all destroyed by that useless American? How could this happen?"

"There is a bright side to this news professor, Steve Rodgers is dead too, he went down with the plane."

"That is-"  
Bucky can't hear what they say next, an icy chill had settled over his mind. Everything was perfectly still and quiet. He can't breathe. Steve Rodgers. Steve Rodgers.

All of a sudden, the foggy memories come back in a crashing wave. Vivid color, laughter, lights, music, all of it. Steve Rodgers, his best friend. The Howling Commandos, the train, the war, his life before it all went to shit, the little kid from Brooklyn. It was suddenly crystal clear.

And Steve was dead.

With a roar, he rips his metal arm out of its restraint, and breaks the other ones with it. He leaps from the table like lightning, knocks out the first scientist with a sharp punch to the head that sends him flying backwards, and he snaps the second's neck before he has time to respond.

These monsters did this to him, they killed Steve, they killed so many and ruined so many lives and claimed they were doing it for a real and just cause, and that made Bucky angrier than he ever had been. He was not their twisted soldier, and he fights with every fiber in his body. Guards charge at him with guns and with every bullet he dodges he sends another Hydra agent to the ground. The arm is useful, and it satisfies Bucky to see the very thing they had given him for evil bring them to the ground. It was loud, and every scream was another victory for Bucky. And then he was out.

The wind sends painful shards of ice into his face and chest, but it is nothing like the pain he has already endured. His bare feet sink in the snow but he runs fast, his lungs burning with fire and his eyes squinting against the snow.

He has to get as far away as he could, he never would stop running, and they could never catch him. There was only snow, only the open skies and the mountains and running. He runs and runs and doesn't bother to look back.

But suddenly there are guns pointed at his chest.

He turns to run the other way but the guns are there too.

They're everywhere, and they block the view of the icy mountains and the first glimpse of the sky he has seen in a lifetime.  
Faceless bodies, sleek black helmets and a hopeless amount of them. A bullet grazes his side and he can no longer run. The pain catches up to him, finally, and he collapses on his knees.

The almost healed scars from his left shoulder had opened up again, and the blood from the bullet wound turns the snow bright red, like the skull emblem on their jackets. His whole self is freezing, and his blue, trembling fingers indicate he should be feeling the effects of hypothermia, but he just covers them up with the metal hand.

The anger boils and rages, and that is what keeps him warm through the freezing years he has yet to experience.

Two rough sets of gloved hands grab his arms and drag him back through the snow, all the while barking back and forth in German? Russian?  
Bucky couldn't think of it. His feet drag limply behind him in the snow and he slumps in their arms. They might have been addressing him, but he stays silent and stoic the whole way back to the base.

Freedom should have felt cold, but the fire he was feeling had consumed him.

"Look at our Winter Soldier." They said, and there was another jolt of pain. There were voices all around, blurry visions of menacing people towering over him.

"You may be a valuable asset, but that doesn't mean you can just go around killing our top engineers and soldiers." More pain. Bucky could barely hear over the ringing in his ears, but he didn't care.

That was his best friend they killed.

He spat at them.

Another lightning bolt of pain that leaves him with fuzzy vision and his throat raw with screams.

His anger is still there though; it's always there on every mission, in every breath. But as time wears on, he finds he can't remember why.


	2. Found

"Are you gonna run?"

The Soldier's eyes flashed up from their fixed gaze on the concrete ground and stared at the Winged Man through the ragged hair hanging in his face. But he didn't even need his whole vision to be able to see perfectly, he calculated body language, levels of eyesight, expressions and angles in an instant. It was what he had been trained to do since as long as he can remember. Well, almost as long. On that helicarrier- the man on the bridge, Steve Rodgers, he had unlocked some kind of feeling, a feeling of something before the metal and the hurt, something warm and bright. Memories of a time when he wasn't dying with every breath he took, a time without fear and pain and anger. The fear was one of the worst sensations, the way it choked and drowned him and there was no way to subdue it. He thinks he should be numb to it by now, the way he was numb to every other feeling, but it was always fresh and new and accompanied every pain he received in the chair when they doubted him or he didn't execute a mission perfectly. It was like a dull roar in the back of his head. But then Steve showed up, and he discovered that there might have been something before then. It was strange, having your whole world come crashing down like that, even if it was a shitty world, it was still yours and it was normal. Steve, normal, maybe not, but he was familiar. Those vague glimpses of light, whatever was in his past. He needed to find out what.

"I am done running." The Winter Soldier finally replied, taking no heed to the blood slowly dripping down his face from his small scuffle earlier. His voice was horse and rough from disuse. It's not like he could have run, even if he wanted to, his metal arm was confined behind his back in some device the Winged Man and Steve had wrestled onto him.

 

Sam sighed with relief, he wasn't sure how much more he could take after chasing two super soldiers, at least he had his Falcon Suit. When they had fought, Bucky was confused and scared; Sam wasn't good at reading people like Natasha, but people's emotions show up like flashing signs in combat. Sam learned that in war, and some things always stay the same, in any soldier.

Steve had been the one that split them up, Sam heaving and slightly injured. Bucky had then turned on Steve suddenly and landed a few blows before Steve had enough room to dodge.

"Bucky don't do this!" Steve had shouted at him while dodging swings from both arms and avoiding flying kicks from his booted feet.  
"We can help you, you know me."

But Bucky had not stopped, at least not until the magnet thing had attached to his metal arm and deactivated it just in time for his two assailants to get a larger device onto it and locked it behind his back.

Bucky then stopped fighting almost immediately, like a machine that someone had switched off the power to. Both Steve and Sam had been so shocked that he had just given up like that they didn't react in time to grab him when Bucky had cut and run, and he had run fast, until they finally cornered him in this old- what was it? An office building? A parking lot? Sam hadn't been paying attention. It had taken them a while to pick up Bucky's trail, especially after the whole SHIELD collapse and then the whole robot war on humanity, that was pretty bad. And then that random shrinking guy had shown up and kicked the crap out of him, Sam was totally unprepared for that curveball, but now-

He looked back at Bucky. The Soldier had gone silent again, and Cap seemed to be having an internal struggle.

"I've been waiting so long, searching for you- I..." Steve looked at Bucky, who only stared back at him silently, showing almost no emotion, but Sam could almost feel the pain radiating off of him. There was a lot of it.

"And now that we're here, we finally found you..." Steve took a deep breath,  
"I almost don't know what to do."

"Steve Rodgers." Bucky spoke again suddenly.

Steve's face is overcome with shock before he can control it.

"You remember my name?"

"I saw your face in the museum. I was there too. A picture of me." He replied.

Sam squinted. A museum? Oh- he must mean the exhibit at the Smithsonian. Sam was almost surprised Bucky had thought to look there, but then again, where else to start looking for his past than the popular exhibit on the Living Legend Captain America?

"Wow." Steve said incredulously. "Did- did it help you remember anything? Anything from our past?"

Bucky did not answer.

"Steve, you know we can't do this now." Sam urged.

"I know I know, but where do we go now? Stark can't find out about this. We can't tell the Avengers either, not yet. Nobody will trust us, especially since we didn't tell them about our little operation earlier. Or at all."

"Hey, that's not my fault-"

"I know it's not. We still need a plan though." Steve sighed.

"One thing at a time, Steve. You're getting too worked up."

Steve gave the Falcon an aggravated look, which proved his point further.

"It'll be fine. Get Barnes and let's get out of this place." Sam continued.

"Ok. C'mon Bucky. Let's get you..."

Steve trailed off. He was going to say home, but Bucky didn't have one, and probably he wouldn't either if he brought Barnes back to the Avenger's headquarters. Steve didn't want to think about it.  
"Somewhere safe." He finished. Barnes looked at him emotionlessly but didn't snap when Steve helped him to his feet.

"Where do we go now?" Sam said as he pulled out of the parking place and into the road.

"We can go to my apartment, it's a good temporary solution at least." Steve said. His attention then turned to the man in the back seat.

"I probably should have thought this out better. I guess I just didn't believe we would find you, Buck. It's been insane lately. Actually, it's been insane ever since I crashed the plane into the ice. Sometimes it feels like I'm living in some crazy nightmare, and I'll wake up and it'll be the forties again and you'll be there in your Sergeant uniform and I'll be small and Peggy's still..." He trailed off.

Sam turned to look over his shoulder at the Winter Soldier, who was in the back seat of his Impala. They had handcuffed the other hand too; they both knew how much damage Bucky could do even without the metal arm, but Sam knew it killed Steve to treat his friend like this. He could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at him and in his whole self when he spoke. And he talked a lot. Sam thought he was trying to fill the void that existed in the uncomfortable silence in that car. Trying to make up for handcuffing his former(?) best friend. Sam drove in silence and listened to him. Steve talked about things that he had never told Sam before, stuff from the War and before then, when he lived in Brooklyn and was a scrawny kid who liked to pick fights.

"I don't even know where to begin, Bucky. There's just so much to say. I guess I'll just talk about you.

You fell off a train, we were on our way to another Hydra base, nothing like we hadn't done before a million times with the Howling Commandos. That was our special forces team I guess you and me put together. I rescued you guys from a Hydra base. Your unit, I mean. I wasn't supposed to. I flew over with Howard and Peggy. Peggy was my girlfriend then. And Howard was Tony Stark's father. You'll meet Tony soon probably. I'll introduce you to the whole team. This is Sam, by the way."

 

So the Winged Man's name was Sam. The Winter Soldier looked vacantly ahead but he listened to Steve attentively. Steve talked about before, his mom, their friendship, the apartment and the gangs of kids who used to beat him up and the ways he and Bucky Barnes, (that was him), would try to make money and all the little adventures they would go on. There were a lot of times when Steve was sick, or when his mom was sick, and the problems that came after her death.

"We're here. Do you need me to-" the Winged- wait, Sam, said before Steve stopped him.

"No you go home, get some rest, we've been out for a long time and, no offense, but you're not the result of some crazy experiment."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. But if you need anything, or anything happens at all-" he paused for emphasis.  
"You better call me, Rogers."

They said some more things but the Soldier stopped listening. He realized how exhausted he was, which was a surprising feeling. He hadn't felt tired in a long time. He could sleep for years in the Hydra base, but if he got tired on a mission there was only pain to deal with. It had probably been two days since he slept last? He didn't remember.

"I'll show you where my apartment is Bucky, I think there are some sandwiches in the fridge, we can eat those for dinner."

Crisp blue light shone into the apartment from its windows, and Steve was rattling around in its kitchen. He kept looking back at Bucky with a weird expression on his face. Was that pain?

"I can't do this to you." Steve said, and before he knew it, Bucky's arm was free and he felt the metal whir and shift as it re-calibrated. His hand immediately went to his gun to find it was not there. Neither were his two other guns, or his knives.

"I can't keep you here like a prisoner." Steve said, shame all over his face.  
"I just wanted you back again, Buck, I've lost you so many times and I thought you were never gonna come back and I thought maybe if I made you come here you would stay."

Bucky stopped searching for weapons and focused on Steve, he had already mapped out eight escape routes if things turned south, and could use almost anything around him as a weapon if he wanted, not that he would need them, his arm was sufficient enough.

"But I can't make you stay, Bucky. I don't want to do what Hydra or even what's salvaged of SHIELD would do. You can leave if you want. But that doesn't mean I don't want you to stay. I trust you to do what's right, you know. That probably seems stupid of me, that you still see yourself as the Winter Soldier and not Bucky Barnes and so do most people, but you don't have to obey anyone anymore. Hydra is never going to hurt you again and I'm going to make sure of that. Even if you leave."

Steve had gotten out the sandwiches and now he placed them onto the kitchen table. He didn't say anything else but sat down. After a few moments, Bucky walked over and joined him at the table.

"So I guess for now?"

Bucky didn't reply but took a bite of a sandwich, and that was good enough for Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok here's technically chapter one but the prologue made numbering off so I'm just going to name the chapters on here. Still trying to figure out the site (its been like 15 minutes between my joining and my posting this so,) nice


	3. Friends

The food was definitely a nice thing. It was one of the first changes The Soldier noticed. The free will was nice too (ha), but the food was almost even more noticeable. Almost. Before Steve captured- well, found him, he had been robbing stores and searching through dumpsters to find food. Even with his few... employments, he never dared risk to stay in one place for long, with a reliable place to eat and sleep. And even before then, on missions, The Soldier had been forced to find his own source of nutrition, from what he remembers. It's not like Hydra was packing him little brown paper bag lunches.

Steve seemed surprised when he walked into the kitchen to see Bucky sitting there, who had opened a box of granola bars and then had proceeded to eat all of them.

"I'm sorry, I was-" Bucky cut himself off. Why did he feel the need to apologize to this man? He wasn't about to torture him, and if he tried... Well, Bucky eyed the drawer with the kitchen knives.

"No need to apologize, Bucky, I'll make eggs too, you can have them if you're still hungry."

"Oh." The Soldier, wait no, Bucky, wasn't sure how to react to Steve's generosity. Actually, he wasn't really sure how to react to Steve in general. He wondered why Steve helped him, why he was showing him this kindness that he never remembered having before. Why he decided to trust him when it would be so easy for Bucky to kill him. They must have been really good friends. Bucky didn't remember what it was like to have a friend. To be a friend, really, but he could guess that it didn't involve killing the other person. He couldn't really figure Steve out, even with the few memories he did have.

But he also remembered not being able to question things, and these conflicting thoughts had clashed in his head all night. He hadn't slept, and judging by the shadows under his eyes, neither had Steve.

He didn't have to wonder why.

"You said my name was Bucky, right?"

"Yeah, that's what I call you; your full name is James Buchanan Barnes."

Bucky decided not to ask more yet, and Steve turned back to the stove. The frying pan hissed in the heat, and the smell of things cooking filled the kitchen.

Bucky studied Steve as he cooked. He noticed the tenseness in his muscles and could tell Steve was stressed, but he didn't say anything about it. He wanted to fidget, almost, but years of Hydra's training made him stay perfectly still, save for his soft breathing, drowned out by the hissing grease.

"You know, I think I'm going to stay home today. We can get you used to the surroundings, maybe talk about stuff or watch a movie if you're up for it." Steve said, cracking another egg on the frying pan. When Bucky didn't reply, Steve looked over his shoulder at him. As if he were checking that Bucky was still there. That he wasn't just a dream. He met Steve's eyes, but only gave him a half nod as a reply. Steve smiled warmly.

After breakfast, Steve was flipping through a sketchbook, and Bucky was sitting on a chair near him quietly. Steve was talking again about their past. Occasionally Bucky would ask a question or two, but mainly he just listened to his past and remarked on the things he remembered. Every day he got a little more familiar with the stories, and remembered some of the senses he hadn't felt or experienced in almost 70 years. It almost felt normal, this new life he had acquired suddenly. He had thought about running away many times, but never had. Every time Steve would walk out of a room and see him, he seemed shocked. Bucky couldn't blame him.

They didn't leave the house too often, and the first couple days Steve didn't leave at all, until he finally gave into the need to get groceries and go for a run. Before then he would exercise inside. Bucky could sometimes hear him at night, as Steve liked to do sit ups and push-ups when he couldn't sleep. He could also hear Steve talking sometimes, when he got nightmares. Bucky got nightmares too, every night, unlike Steve, who only got them sometimes. He didn't yell like Steve, either. They weren't always the same, but they did have a reoccurring theme. The metal chair, darkness and gunshots, most of them were like that. But sometimes he would see white all around him, snowy mountaintops. This should have been normal, as he had a lot of missions in cold places. But this was different. The snow was a glaring white, blinding, it made his head spin and it was so cold it burnt. He looked around and saw something like people surrounding him, and looked down and saw red, red, until it was all around him and suffocating.  
He woke up screaming every time.

He knew how bad it was, so he felt an obligation to wake Steve up when he heard him from the room over. Bucky was reading a book Steve had given him, and it was late. He heard a crash from what he later discovered was a lamp on a bedside table. Steve was yelling incoherent orders and sounded distressed, tossing back and forth, then something that sounded like coordinates.

"Steve, wake up." Bucky put his hand on Steve's shoulder, his eyes flew open almost immediately and he grabbed Bucky's arm.  
Faster than lightning, Bucky twisted out of his grip and leapt back, brandishing the kitchen knife he had been carrying around the house lately.

It took Steve a few seconds to come to his senses and regulate his breathing. He sat up and Bucky relaxed a little, still holding the knife.

"I didn't know you had that." Steve gestured to the weapon in his hand.

"Can you blame me?" Bucky answered, shrugging, something he had picked up in terms of using body language.

Steve huffed a laugh and stood up. He put the lamp back on the table, only slightly damaged.  
"Well thanks for waking me up, Buck. I've been having a hard time sleeping lately. I'm gonna get some water."

Steve walked into the kitchen with Bucky following behind him.  
"You know, I don't really want to sleep anymore anyways. Wanna watch a movie? You can pick."

"Sure. Can we have popcorn?" People typically associated popcorn with movies, right? Something told him yes.

"Sure, I think we have some in here somewhere."

Steve later sat on the couch, his typical spot, but this time, Bucky sat next to him.

~

It was almost a week later when they got the call.

Steve was sitting on the couch sketching, and Bucky was perched next to him, watching. The TV was murmuring in the background, just the weather and something about a storm moving in tomorrow.

Bzzbzz bzzbzz

Steve's communicator was on the kitchen table. The Avengers and former SHIELD agents didn't typically carry iPhones and stuff; they broke too easily for their line of work and could be hacked. Except for some, like Tony Stark, who always carried at least two of the latest and best designs in technology.

Steve frowned and put his sketchbook to the side, he hadn't gotten a call in a while.

"Hello?" He said, holding it to his ear.

"Steve, it's Sam. We got news."

"What do you mean?"

"It's the Avengers- they found out about Barnes."

"How?"

"You knew it was going to happen sooner or later-"

"Well I was hoping later rather than sooner." Steve's mouth had creased into a line.

"How did they find out? What did they do?"

"It's not great Steve. They must have found out through our communications system. Tony's pissed, wondering how they didn't find Barnes first, and everybody who knows, that's all they're talking about."  
Sam's voice was ringing in Steve's ears. What if they took Bucky in, condemned him as a war criminal, too dangerous to have freedom? That might not turn out too well for them, Steve thought bitterly. He turned and looked at Bucky, who was listening intently with, still, a neutral expression, which was his typical face. It irked Steve that he could never tell what Bucky was thinking- but it had gotten better over the past little while Bucky had been living with him. Nobody else would have been able to tell, but Steve could sometimes see little flashes of emotion in Bucky's eyes. Like when he ate those processed pastry snacks he liked so much, or when he saw something cool on the TV or when Steve offered him something new, like a drawing. He couldn't let SHIELD, no matter how much it 'didn't exist', take that away from him.

"Do you think Sharon told?" He asked Sam.

"How would Sharon have known?"

"Well I dunno Sam, everyone else seems to know!"  
Bucky frowned. He didn't know who Sharon was.

"Right right, but the point is, they want you to come to the base. And bring Barnes, or they'll come to you most likely." Sam grumbled over the phone.

"Ok, it's fine. It's all ok. I'll figure it out. When do they need me?" Steve sighed.

"Like, now." He replied.

"Fine. We'll be there as soon as possible. - and Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can still get out of this before it turns south. We can say you had nothing to do with it. There's still a chance you can escape without blame."

"I'm not going to ditch you, Cap." He replies, without hesitation.

"They might never trust you again. I don't want to drag you into my issues anymore than I already have. I'm sorry I put you through this." Steve's voice was tired.

"Hey, don't apologize. We can stop this mess together, you can't do it alone. I knew what I was getting into the moment I agreed to help by Fury's grave. Don't worry about me."

Steve let out a small breath of relief, but only enough so that Sam couldn't hear it over the phone.

"Thanks Sam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case of confusion, a big paragraph break (like three lines or so) is to indicate a jump in perspective or a small time gap, and the "~" is a larger time gap, like a scene change or sometimes a flashback too (those will appear later)  
> It's a little different from what i did on fanfic, with a "I" and a "III" for those gaps.


	4. SHIELD

Steve walked through the halls of the Avengers headquarters, filled with the sounds of a typical office in some rooms, combat training in others, and rooms with mechanical whirring and scientists doing their science-y things. Steve had explored it before, but he didn't know every inch of the place like some other agents. He had thought about inviting Bucky too, but decided it was for the best to leave him back at the apartment in case things went south. He had caught up with Sam, who was out training with some recruits as the Falcon, and a secretary had pointed him to a way that would lead him to a conference with a few other agents. Before he had the chance, however, none other than Tony Stark caught him in the hallway.

"Well Steve, ever since the Avengers initiative I thought you had at least some common sense, but clearly I was wrong."

Steve wasn't surprised by Tony's hostile greeting, but he couldn't help but feel defensive.

"I don't see what the issue is here." He replied coolly.

"Oh I know you see the issue perfectly well, Rogers. Don't pull some innocent charade at a time like this." Tony was dressed in a suit instead of his less formal Metallica tees or something, and even through his reflective sunglasses Steve could see his accusatory glare.

Steve went to say something but Tony cut him off before he had the chance.

"I'm going to cut right to the chase, before you get confused again- Don't you ever think you can hide your scheming missions from the agency like the one you pulled with Wilson behind our backs." Tony seemed relaxed, almost, in his threats.

"Did you really think we wouldn't find out about Barnes?"

"Of course not, but there's nothing more to hide. I'm helping him regain his memories and lead a normal life again."

"Ha! That's almost funny. You do realize this man was Hydra? Killed people? Is generally all around a bad guy and the world would be better off without him?" Tony pursed his lips together and raised his eyebrows in the really-how-could-I-possibly-be-wrong-about-anything way he does.

"Tony you know-"

"The Winter Soldier killed my parents, Steve! You can't possibly expect me to pretend that I can just forgive and forget the murder of my parents!"

"You have no grounds for that accusation." Steve rebutted calmly, a hint of anger in his voice.

"Oh really? I know Hydra staged that accident now, after you had your little chat with Zola, and who better to take out a threat like that without revealing themselves than the myth of a man who can pull off any assassination flawlessly without even making it look like one? Even if it wasn't him, which it was, even so, he worked for the people who did. He murdered dozens, if not hundreds of people, Steve! Innocent people!" Tony had raised his voice, not quite to a shout, as he didn't shout when arguing, but enough so a few trainees had poked their heads out of a door to see what was going on. They quickly ducked back when they saw who was arguing. Steve hadn't known that Tony knew about the talk with Zola, but he didn't let that stop him.

"He's not like that anymore, Stark! It wasn't his fault! He was brainwashed and you know that- He's not the Winter Soldier."

"Really? Then who is he, Steve?" Tony took off his sunglasses and glared at him for effect.  
"-Because he's not the Bucky you used to know, not anymore, not ever again."

Steve tried not to seem taken aback by Tony's blunt truth.  
"I can help him change, I can help him be good again. He won't be the same and I know that! But I can help him become something better! Make amends for his past. Someone who can help the world!" He argued.

"Someone who can help the world, or help you, Steve? You really need to think of more people than just yourself here. Maybe you can change him- You're the one link to his real past he has, before he turned into a monster! But what about without you? What if you die, or can't help anymore? That link is severed. You get taken out, and he takes the rest of us out."

Steve was silent for a few seconds, a grimace on his face. He shook his head.  
"No. I know that won't happen. I won't let it. Bucky doesn't just need me to be good, that's not who he is. You just can't realize that yet. None of you know him like I do."

Tony looked at Steve with something like pity. Or maybe it was false. Tony was a good actor and the best salesman in his field.

"Look, I'm sorry; I know he's all you have left, especially after Peggy's-"

"Don't you speak a word about Peggy." Steve snarled, but Tony ignored the threat and continued.

"-but like I said, you've got to consider everybody else, Steve. He's dangerous and we have to take him out. I know it's hard for you to accept, it's hard for all of us, but you can't save everyone." Tony frowned at Steve's furious expression.

"Do you think I don't already know that? I already lost Bucky once, I'm damn sure not losing him again. You say we can't save everyone but it's our mission and our duty to try to, Stark. And I'm never giving up on that promise. Especially not to him."

Tony sighed.

"Fine, whatever, have it your way. I know this is a waste of time, trying to convince you. We'll see how this turns out."

He turned on his heel and sauntered off down the hall. Steve watched until he turned the corner, and he was alone in the hall. He put his hands in his pockets and frowned.

Steve should have felt like he won the argument, but all he felt was a vague sense of apprehension.

~

"Tony may have let you off the hook for now, but you know you can't keep this up forever. Besides, there are much scarier people than him who will be out for the Winter Soldier."  
Natasha crossed her arms and leaned back in the office chair she was sitting in.

"I know. That's what makes me nervous. And Tony is pretty overbearing just by himself. How many SHIELD people know?" Steve sounded tired.

"SHIELD doesn't technically exist." Natasha countered.

"Yeah whatever, the new one, you know what I mean."

"What's your clearance number?"

"Technically doesn't exist anymore." Steve said, a hint of snark in his voice.

"Oh shut up and tell me."

"Eight."

"Then at least everyone above that knows."

"Wow." That was a lot more people than Steve thought, and he knew Bucky's future -and his too- hinged on their pronouncements.

"Wait a second, aren't you lower than that?"

"Not anymore, really, and after the collapse, pretty much everything was uploaded to the public view. Courtesy of me, as you may remember. Besides, I'm an Avenger. But this whole deal with the Winter Soldier is a bit more serious, and they'll definitely keep it under wraps as long as possible. Even with all this free information, SHIELD knows how to be top secret. It's what they do best." Natasha flashed a grin that would've given Steve an uneasy feeling if he didn't know her so well- or did he really? There were a lot of secrets she kept, even if, technically, all her files were somewhere to be found on the internet. Natasha's true identity was hidden to most people, and she liked it that way.

"They want him in for testing." She continued, the smile fading back into a serious expression.

"Do you think they'll put on a trial for him?"

"Not sure, all I know is about the testing, but finding out won't be hard."

"What if he says no?"

"It's like the breathalyzer test, Steve. If you say no they know you're drunk, they just don't know how much and the consequences are usually worse."

"Breathalyzer test?" He inquired.

Natasha smiled.  
"Ha, sometimes I forgot you're from the forties and don't know all these things. It's a test to see if you're drunk driving. You breathe in a little tube thing and-"

"You can tell me about that later. When do they want him for testing? What are they going to do exactly?"

"What are you, his mom? Sorry- bad time for a joke?" She added at Steve's glare.

"I don't know, really. Doctors are probably going to see if he's mentally stable, and like, won't stab everyone he comes in contact with. He's a special case; really, I'm not sure how they handle these things. Hm, I of all people should, as I was a special case myself. I can always advocate for you using that. Barton made the right call for me, so I'm sure you did too. For some reason, people tend to like giving second chances. Don't worry about it Steve. I'm sure everything's going to be fine."

Steve half nods his head.  
"That seems so weird, coming from you."

"Yeah? Well don't look into it too much. Have you given any thought to what's going to happen after all this? Eventually there's going to be another threat to the safety of the world, we all know. What is Barnes going to do? Are you expecting him to just jump back in the field? After all he's been though?"

Steve speculated this for a second.

"I know it might not seem like it right now, but if he's anything like he was before? He won't hesitate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another chapter! Obviously updates aren't always going to be this fast- these are just the ones I've already written. And in the future, anything that you need to know before reading will be posted in the notes in the beginning like warnings important notes ect, so you don't have to scroll down and read the end before and risk spoiling the chapter for yourself or something- and stuff that's not as important (like this) will still be at the end


	5. Alright

Steve walked into the apartment, after a day of training with recruits at SHIELD, to find absolute chaos. Tables were overturned, trash and shredded remains of various items littered the floor, and a smear of blood stained the counter-top. Steve's boots crunched over shattered glass as he ran through the rooms, not bothering to assess the damage quite yet.  
He finally located the source of the wreckage, and found him huddled in the corner of Steve's room, knees tucked into his chest and head buried between them.  
Bucky's metal arm left flowering purple bruises from where it clutched the other, and his were fingers cut on the metal in return.

"God Bucky- Oh God what happened?"

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Bucky finally looked up from in between his arms but didn't meet the other man's eyes. Steve went to put his hand on his shoulder but Bucky jerked away when he felt the touch.

"Hey, it's ok, I'm not gonna hurt you, Buck. Take a breath."

Steve placed his hand on Bucky's metal arm gently.

"And let go."

After a moment, his fingers started to uncurl from their positions and Bucky sighed as the pain was released from his arms. Guilt washed over his face.

"I thought- I could've sworn I heard 'em, Steve. They were everywhere, I thought I couldn't get out, I was surrounded. The boots and guns- I didn't mean to ruin all your stuff, I don't know what happened- but all I saw was blood and the soldiers, I swore I-"

Steve crouched down beside him.  
"Don't worry about it; it's not your fault. You just had a bad flashback, it's safe. They're not here."

Bucky scowled. He didn't want Steve to feel like he had to look after him like a little kid, and he didn't want to have to rely on Steve either. He wanted Steve to know that he was fine, that it had been no big deal, but hurling your friend's furniture at imaginary soldiers didn't really fit into the definition of "ok". Bucky could tell that the man crouching beside him had next to no clue of what to do, but he knew Steve wanted to do something to help. That was just his nature. Too bad you can't punch something that only exists in your mind. Bucky's thoughts were interrupted when he felt blood on his fingers. They weren't bad wounds, just a few cuts from glass and metal, easy to clean.

"We should go get some- uh." Steve paused, looking at Bucky's cuts and bruises.

"…bandaids?"

Even through his grimace, Bucky snorted a laugh. He couldn't help himself.

"Yeah Stevie, that's just what I need. That'll make me feel all better. A fuckin' bandaid."

Steve tried to hide his laughter but didn't succeed. Bucky flashed a grin and suddenly the room didn't seem so dark anymore.

"Goddamn it Buck, what am I supposed to do?" He managed to say through snickers.

Bucky relaxed, leaning against the wall. His face fell into a thoughtful expression and he glanced up at the ceiling.

"Lemme' help you clean this mess up. And uh, sorry." He said eventually, pushing himself to his feet. The shirt he was wearing had a tear in the arm and he tried to rub the bloodstains out of his pants with his thumb.

"Don't worry about it Buck. It's not your fault."

Despite the reassuring words, Bucky frowned.  
"Hope the rest of the world thinks that too."

~

Later that day, sunlight filtered in through the half closed blinds of Steve's apartment and clouds drifted past on lazy gusts of wind.

There was a small terrace coming off the side of one of the living room walls that gave a pretty view of the city, and Bucky had been standing out there for almost two hours.

Steve stuck his head out the door.

"Hey Buck; wanna run to the store with me? I have to pick up some stuff. Oh, and some new updates from headquarters. I'll tell you about them later."

Bucky nodded.  
"Be there in a sec."

He had been thinking about a day not unlike what he was seeing now; the clouds drifting and a gentle breeze carrying the sounds of swing bands, and everything tinted with a golden glow. Sitting on an apartment balcony with the shrimpy blonde kid beside him, talking about his dreams of joining Bucky in the war, doing what was right-

He snapped out of his thoughts when the screen door closed, and turned around to see Steve pulling on a pair of boots. He gave one last glance back to the sky before turning to join Steve in the hall.

It was nice to be out, and have something to distract himself with, besides the ever looming thoughts of what would become of his future and the fuzzy pain of the past. Bucky got in the car as Steve turned the engine on. Sometimes it was nice to only be concerned with the present.

Steve kept giving him little sideways glances as they went through the errands. Bucky noticed he did that a lot. He didn't mind, really, even though it seemed to distract him from his constant observation of his surroundings. He almost didn't see the little girl staring at the glinting metal hand from underneath the jacket sleeve, the man who veered off into the next isle of the store when he saw Bucky's intimidating figure, or the confident pedestrian strolling down the sidewalk whose glance quickly turned sideways when met with Bucky's piercing stare. He was too busy thinking about Steve, the one friend who was still there, the only person who seemed to care- and if he had remembered to get the milk.

Steve hissed through his teeth when Bucky inquired about this.  
"Y'know, I don't remember buying it. And we're already too far away to go back and get it..." He trailed off while he pulled into the right lane and turned on the blinker. He sighed in faux frustration. They rode with the radio murmuring in the background for a little longer until Steve broke the silence.

"I've been avoiding this subject for as long as I could, but SHIELD wants you to come in tomorrow."

Bucky acknowledged this by turning his head slightly to look at him.

"They want to make sure you're alright, and not liable to hurt a bunch of people." Steve made a face. "I know you're fine. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it's alright with you, we can go in tomorrow."

Bucky nodded.  
"That means you too, Stevie."

Steve gave him a quizzical look.

"Don't worry too much about it." Bucky answered.  
"I'll be fine. And if they find out I can't live here anymore- that's alright too. I'll figure out something. I can get by on my own."

Steve gave him a half smile.  
"The thing is, Buck- you don't have to."

Bucky took a sharp breath as a memory resurfaced again. The screaming engines, a beaten and bloody face, a shield falling hundreds of feet into water and two people soon to follow. And then further back, much further back.

~

Steve frowns but doesn't pull away as Bucky claps his hand on his shoulder.  
"I'm with you to the end of the line, pal." Bucky says, giving him a small nod.

Steve looks down and sighs, eventually turning to the door with the key in his hand.  
Bucky starts to walk down the stairs, but turns back around before he reaches the ground.

"Hey Steve." He calls back.

"Yeah?"

"Are you gonna be alright for now?" The poor guy's gone through hell, and he just lost his mom; Bucky wasn't about to leave without making sure he was ok.

"I'll be ok. We knew sooner or later it would be like this." Steve doesn't turn around from the door.

"That doesn't make it ok."

Steve doesn't answer right away, so Bucky waits.  
"Thanks Buck. For everything."

"I should be thanking you, Stevie. I'll see you later."

Steve smiles as he walks into the apartment. It was nice to have Bucky around, even though he didn't like to admit it sometimes.

~

"Bucky?"

He shook his head and turned to Steve. He was a lot taller now.

"You alright?" Steve looked concerned.

"Yeah." He said, shaking his head.  
"I'll be ok."


	6. Streets

Bucky bolted upright with a sharp inhale, heart pounding in his ears and sweat running down his face. His eyes adjusted to the dark and he could see the soft outlines of his bedroom cast in shadow. He relaxed. Scanning the room again for good measure, Bucky tried to remember what had caused him to wake up this time, but couldn't recall beyond a few distorted images of his nightmare.

The clock read 4am, he figured it wasn't too early to get up, and he knew he wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon.  
He didn't bother to turn on the lights; the pale moon shone through cracks in the blinds and Bucky knew the place well enough he didn't need to see anyways. He turned on the coffee machine and it made a grumbling sound as the water started to heat. Before that, he had stopped by Steve's room to see if he was still asleep. Rogers was passed out, sprawled across the bed and softly snoring. Bucky was glad he had been able to finally sleep.

The coffee smell filled his nostrils and he flicked the switch off once the cup was full, and then grabbed the creamer out of the fridge. Bucky had been drinking black coffee ever since he was old enough to enjoy it, but Steve had gotten this peppermint flavored stuff at the continence store and Bucky liked it more than he cared to admit.  
He lounged on the couch and took small sips, but time wasn't passing fast enough, and soon Bucky was bored with staring at the silent and dark apartment. He didn't mind it usually, missions were many times like this, with the Soldier lurking in the shadows and watching, waiting until the opportune moment to strike for however long it took. Sometimes he would follow his targets for days to make sure everything was perfectly aligned for the kill. But right now he was alone with his thoughts, and his mind wandered to dark places.

He slipped out the front door, first making sure the alarm was off, and went for a run in the city only illuminated by the yellow street-lamps and the few passing cars' headlights. They were probably wondering why the hell he was out running at this hour. The night air refreshed him and Bucky ran until his lips chapped and his eyes began to water in the wind.

He returned through the door at almost the brink of dawn, and was met with Steve in the kitchen reading the paper.

Steve smiled and Bucky could see him relax just a fraction.  
"Couldn't sleep?" He said, turning back to the paper. Bucky shrugged.

"Just woke up early, went for a run."

"Was it cold out?"

"Nothin' bad."

"Well we've still got a while before they want you in, so just tell me when you're ready and we'll go."

Bucky frowned but didn't let Steve see it.  
"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."

 

Bucky always had a neutral expression when presented with unfamiliar situations, but the receptionist shrunk back a little in his chair when he saw them.  
"Yeah um, the science department floor's on 3. I suppose you already know that, though. But anyways there's a common room place where you can wait, it's just the big open hall that you walk into right out of the elevator." He pointed them over.

Steve seemed uncomfortable in the elevator, and was making a face like he was deep in thought.

"Somethin' bugging you?" Bucky asked.

Steve had his shield mounted on the back of his suit, and he looked like he was going into battle right there.  
"Ah, no. Just nervous I guess. I can't put my finger on it, but something just seems- off."

Bucky nodded.  
"That receptionist was pretty nervous. And I don't think it was the metal arm." He added, shrugging the arm covered by the sleeve of his jacket.

They glanced at each other as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. They stepped out into the wide room, large glass windows overlooking the scenery outside, tables and couches were spread around the room, the occasional group lounging in one or scribbling on paper. And everyone was talking in hushed voices. That wouldn't struck Steve as weird if they hadn't kept giving him, or more likely the man next to him, quick sideways glances as soon as they stepped off the elevator. He knew the agents were expecting them, and it didn't seem like there were any immediate threats, but still, tension hung in the air like a thick fog. Their boots echoed on the marble floor. A group of people walked past on the other side of the room and Steve noticed Tony talking animatedly with a few of them. He stopped suddenly when he saw them. Steve saw his eyebrows rise and then scrunch up behind his sunglasses. Rolling on his heels, he sauntered over and smiled.

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Tony." Steve acknowledged him coldly.

"Is this the famous assassin?" His gaze turned to Bucky.  
"What an honor sir, to finally meet the esteemed Winter Soldier." Tony bowed with fake admiration. Bucky's eyes narrowed into slits.

"Can we just get this over with?" His tone was cold and he clenched his metal fingers.

"Whatever you say."  
Tony took of his sunglasses and Bucky's world froze.

He was supposed to be dead. That mission was a success. How did he escape? How did this happen?  
"You're supposed to be dead." His voice was a monotone and his eyes unblinking, almost as if he were possessed.

Tony squinted in confusion.

"How did you escape?" Bucky's voice was almost shrill now, on the verge of breaking into a scream.  
"They'll kill me a thousand times over if they find out the mission wasn't a success." He said to no one in particular, terror now in his eyes.

"Buck what are you-" Steve started, but before he could ask the question Bucky leapt forward and socked Tony in the face. Tony flew backwards and Bucky leapt after him, metal arm shaking as he pulled it above his head for another blow.  
Almost immediately, five fully armored soldiers stepped from around the corners and aimed their guns with clicking sounds that echoed across the room.

"Bucky stop! He's not who you think he is!" Steve yelled frantically.

Bucky looked up from his position poised over Stark, metal fist poised high in the air and the other hand around Tony's throat, to see the soldiers guns aimed at him and Steve's terrified expression. Time seemed to freeze. Bucky's eyes widened in realization.

He let go and dropped his fist, scrambling away in horror at what he had done. Tony moved away with an angry expression, but Bucky could see fear just barely masked.

The room was quiet again.

"Mr. Barnes I'm going to have to ask you to walk this way."

He and Steve glanced at each other for a microsecond in silent agreement.  
A hail of bullets from the guns collides just after Bucky caught the shield Steve tossed to him and he rolled backwards towards escape.  
They sprint down the back hallway, knocking out an unfortunate guard positioned there with a swift shield to the head.

Incoherent yelling and thundering boots follow soon after them and Bucky tossed the shield back to Steve, who used it to block them from any stray bullets.

"Stand down Captain Rogers. I repeat: Stand down!" A loud voice calls from behind them.

Steve grimaced. He was really sick of hearing that. He pulled out his pistol from his belt and blasted a hole in the windows they were coming up on and he leapt out, following Bucky. Three floors wasn't that much of a fall; they quickly recover and sprint towards where their bikes were parked. Steve had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

The bikes whirred and Steve knew their pursuers couldn't be far behind. The city was grey and clouds covered the sky, icy wind whipping their faces as they zoomed through the streets.

"Steve!" Bucky yelled at him, his long hair streaming behind him. Steve turned to see Bucky's face overcome with guilt and pain.

"Did they hurt you?" Steve called back.

"No- I, look- I'm sorry! I'm sorry, but I have to do this!"

"Have to do what?" He asked, but Bucky didn't answer and his brakes screeched, Steve flew past him and looked back in time to see him turn down a small back alley.

"Goddamn it Buck, I can't deal with this right now!" He yelled in frustration. His tires squealed as he whipped the bike into a U-turn on a corner and followed. He found Bucky's bike lying abandoned behind a dumpster and in front of a large chain fence, and Steve left his there too, scaling the fence in no time and sprinting off down the alley. The path opened back up into an intersection, crowded with cars and people, and Steve frantically searched the crowds, scanning his eyes back and forth and seeing no signs of the soldier. He felt stinging behind his eyes and a sense of betrayal overcame him.

"Bucky!" He yelled as loud as he could into the crowds but that only earned him a few sideways glances. He ran off down one of the streets, but his steps slowed and finally stopped. He knew it was too late. Bucky was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes finally finished this! Hopefully the next chapter wont take as long. School has been terrible and I haven't had much time for writing, but slow and steady and whatever y'know. I guess this is the first real action scene in the fic even though it was kinda lame- more cool ones in the future and more awesome going-ons too so stay tuned!


	7. Run

Bucky didn't know exactly where he was going, but he knew it had to be away from here. All he was doing was putting Steve in danger, making everybody turn against him, and maybe if he left Steve could lead his life again. As he ran, he wished he hadn't abandoned his motorcycle, but he had no other options and it would have made him more conspicuous. He didn’t need or own anything except for the few bills in his pocket. If he scraped together those and found a little more money, he might be able to afford to stay at some seedy motel for a night or two. Then, well, he didn't want to think about his future. Maybe when this all died down he could go back. But Bucky knew that was wishful thinking. He could never be with Steve and have people trust him. Steve's life would never be the same. Maybe now he could work missions again, and then maybe meet a nice girl, have a family- There was no place for Bucky in any of that. For now, it was time for him to get away. Bucky knew he would never have a future, and he grudgingly accepted that.

 

Steve was distraught. He couldn’t search for Bucky now, he couldn't go back home, not yet, they'd get him there, he couldn't go to Sam's, he was sure they would look there too. And even if they didn’t, Steve couldn’t drag Sam down with him. Not anymore. He couldn't leave the city, Bucky may come back, and he wasn't ready to abandon everything. Steve was now back were they had left the bikes. He propped Bucky's up and hid the keys close by, in case Bucky came by and wanted it back. He slung a leg over his and put the keys in the ignition. He finally decided where to go. Maybe SHIELD wouldn't look there yet. He didn't know if they even knew where it was. He pulled out his communicator. It was originally bugged but Natasha had fixed that problem. The bike’s engine roared to life and he sped off down the street.

 

"Damn." Clint leaned back in his ratty couch, taking in Steve's story. He sucked in a breath through his teeth.  
"I 'spose you need to crash here for a while, that's cool."

Steve had come to the apartment building Clint owned, down in a lesser known part of town, and they were now sitting in the living area of the small place he inhabited. His dog was curled up on a carpet in front of the TV, which was playing some football game.  
"Yeah, sorry for springing this on you so suddenly. I promise I won't drag you into this mess too, and if they figure out I've been here, well." Steve trailed off and a car honked in the distance.  
"They won't."

Clint grinned.  
"Sounds alright. It’s not like I have anything better to do. I don't have much food but treat yourself. I gotta decent amount of money and can head out to the store anytime. Oh, and there are some gangs around here, try to avoid those."

Steve raised an eyebrow but didn’t inquire further  
“I’ll try my hardest- but no promises.”

“Now we’re talkin’.”

 

It was late. It had been about two days since the incident with Stark. Bucky had been on the run ever since, but he couldn’t seem to get himself to leave beyond the outskirts of the city. Money was running low, and honestly, Bucky couldn’t seem to get a plan together. He always had a plan. But now, he was alone with no idea what to do and the wind howling through the buildings.  
He had cut through an alleyway between rows of old apartments and office complex when a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Hello, soldier."  
Bucky looked up and suddenly he was surrounded. An alarm went off in his mind. How did he not notice it sooner? Was he losing his touch? 

"Well, well. Look what has become of you."  
The men had appeared out of nowhere. They looked nonchalant, hanging around the edges of the alleyway. Bucky frowned but showed no other emotion.

"Who are you?"

"Oh, I think you already know." The first man said, assumedly the leader. He stepped forward and Bucky saw the red scull emblem on his jacket. 

"Pretty bold campaigning for something that's destroyed forever. Hydra's dead." Bucky nodded at his jacket.

The man doesn't change his half grin. He shrugged halfheartedly.  
"You've got it right that we're Hydra, but you miss the point. I'm disappointed; all those years working for us and you don't even remember our values."

Bucky doesn't answer and the man smiled wider.

"Oh that's right, you don't remember anything, do you?"

Bucky stayed perfectly still, unwilling to show any reaction.

"Aww, don't be like that."

"What are you here for?" Bucky commanded, it was time to cut to the chase.

"You're fascinating, really. I know I can’t see that arm of yours but I remember it. It was the first building block for amazing things." He nodded to the man beside him as if seeing if he agreed.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. He was sick of playing this man's game. His metal fist clenched with a soft whirr.

The man notices this and turns back in mock surprise.  
"Oh sorry, I haven’t answered your question. You see, Hydra may have been crippled, but we are not dead, no, far from it. We are slowly re-developing, becoming stronger and upgrading, if you will. You, you see, are outdated. An old model. We have new soldiers. Better, stronger, and much more powerful. Do you see what you could have become?" He gestured to the soldiers around him. 

Bucky pursed his lips. God, was he sick of these guys.  
"Why are you telling me this?"

"Isn't obvious? To show that you don't have a chance. Your Avengers are not the ones to side with. We're here to make the world a better place, soldier! Here to show that you're on the wrong side. We will never lose."

"Are you trying to convince me to join you? Because it's not working."

The man laughs out loud for an uncomfortable amount of time.  
"Never. We don't need you anymore. You're practically useless to us now."

"Then why haven't you killed me?" 

"Well, I suppose you're not completely useless. Looks like I contradicted myself there. We need a messenger. Someone to tell everyone that Hydra will never die, and it's futile to fight back. You know that. Hydra's under new management, soldier! Cut off one head and two more grow back in its place. And who better to tell the story than the ex-hydra assassin himself?" The man smiled at his own wit.

"I'll never work for you or anyone like you. Ever again. I’ll burn your hydra ‘heads’. How will you live on then? You’re not the only one who knows a little mythology." This guy was really pissing Bucky off now.

“So quick witted. I’ll bet you were quite the little rebel.”

“Who better to know than you?”

Bucky finally saw the man’s incessant grin falter for a second.  
"Well, even though you're useless to us-"

"as you have claimed." Bucky interrupted

"-you can still be a threat. But even more so is the man who brought us down the first two times. Don't think we don't know about your feelings towards him."

Bucky went cold. The man’s smile returned.  
"Thaaat's right. It's hard not to know, with you remembering him every time the machine's effects were compromised. They soon put a stop to that, before I was even around, but then the damn man came back from the dead. Even so, it was never hard to find ways to make you obey." He sneers, and the guy next to him snickers. Bucky couldn't stop thinking about Steve. He had to warn him. And they, they couldn't possibly know anything about Bucky's feelings. Bucky never had any at Hydra. 

"I guess it's too bad we have to kill the Captain to ensure our rise. Too bad for you, that is. He did ruin decades of careful integrating into SHIELD. So much you couldn't tell the difference anymore. It was the ultimate plan. All ruined by one man. Well, with the added help of your defects. Good thing the new plans enable us to not worry about that anymore. Or him. So after The Captain, we'll come for you."

Time was up. Bucky couldn’t take anymore of this infuriating man and his tawdry companions.  
With almost silent rage, Bucky launched himself towards the Hydra man, who saw it coming and swiped his punch away. Bucky countered with a sideways turn and kneed the man in the side. He turned and swung his fist and Bucky blocked it with his own, and suddenly a powerful knock to his head from behind sent him to the ground before he could process who hit him. He was out cold before he could catch a glimpse of men slinking into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you catch the Hamilton reference? It's reeeally subtle but hey it's there.


End file.
